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Daddy is not coming on anything.
Apr. 13th, 2005 11:46 amI didn't sleep last night. That is to say, after 400ml of Johnny Walker Black Label and NyQuil I only got 2 hours of sleep. Remarkable, really. I woke up to make a pee pee and I've been awake since. I guess because I got some stuff on my mind. I kind of had an epiphany and realized that the source of my mental anguish of late is an unbelievable hypocrite. So I spent the night organizing my thoughts and getting more and more angry and frustrated. It sucks that it took so long know what's what, and even though knowing what's what doesn't really resolve anything, it helps in a few ways. It's just stupid is what it is. Fucking bullshit hassle.
This may be wishful, if not futile, thinking, but I want to go to UNC Greensboro for grad school. From the looks of it, they've got a respectable film program. But what attracts me most is the temperate climate. Plus I want to get out of this goddamn state. I love NY and all, even if I don't have a bumper sticker to prove it. But honestly, Long Island is a fucking turd and I've had my fill of these people. I need fucking out, the sooner the better. Before this shitty strip of land sinks into the Atlantic.
My aversion to the people around me doesn't help much in the way of curing loneliness. I can't shake that shit. A tight and genuine squeeze would do the trick, but those are few and far apart. I dunno. I'm not good at getting or giving hugs. Fucking human contact. Not my forte, unfortunately.
And I've separated the loneliness from depression. They're complimentary, the two, but they exist independently of each other. I don't feel depressed anymore, but who the fuck knows with me man. I'm such a fucking spaz. I just want to take a spoon to my brain, to the lobes. I'm really sick of feeling this way. And having nothing else to write about.
So go.
This may be wishful, if not futile, thinking, but I want to go to UNC Greensboro for grad school. From the looks of it, they've got a respectable film program. But what attracts me most is the temperate climate. Plus I want to get out of this goddamn state. I love NY and all, even if I don't have a bumper sticker to prove it. But honestly, Long Island is a fucking turd and I've had my fill of these people. I need fucking out, the sooner the better. Before this shitty strip of land sinks into the Atlantic.
My aversion to the people around me doesn't help much in the way of curing loneliness. I can't shake that shit. A tight and genuine squeeze would do the trick, but those are few and far apart. I dunno. I'm not good at getting or giving hugs. Fucking human contact. Not my forte, unfortunately.
And I've separated the loneliness from depression. They're complimentary, the two, but they exist independently of each other. I don't feel depressed anymore, but who the fuck knows with me man. I'm such a fucking spaz. I just want to take a spoon to my brain, to the lobes. I'm really sick of feeling this way. And having nothing else to write about.
So go.
