(no subject)

we saw seven at tony's. i might be getting a job for a week at this deli in merrick. josh says it pays 5 bucks an hour off the books and there are tips involved. hopefully it won't be too much work. i should do laundry, i've been wearing the same goddamn clothes day in and day out. i cut my hair. it looks lop-sided, but i could care less. it'll grow anyway, for pete's sake. seven is a good movie. i've seen it before tonight, but it didn't lose it's suspense. i have the bad habit of coughing without covering my mouth. spit flies everywhere. it's funny, but kind of disgusting. more news as it comes.

(no subject)

i stayed up until like 4 last night watching special features of the boogie nights dvd i rented. then i watched special features of seven. i love special features.

i have a dental appointment at 5. i haven't seen dr. falciano in a year. he's probably going to ask me the same questions. i predict a conversation similar to this:

doc-hey sat, how are you?
me- just fine, doc. how are you?
doc- so you're 18 now, a senior in high school, right?
me- no, i turned 19 last month, and i just finished my first year of college.
doc- oh really, what school do you go to?
me- uhh (mouth full of fingers) geneseo.
doc- (stops paying attention to conversation)so, you still going to be a doctor like your parents?
me- no actually, i'm a communications major, i was thinking about being a filmmaker.
doc- (hesitates) really...
me- yeah, doctor is just too much work.
doc- mm hmm. so how did you like college? what school did you say you went to?
me- geneseo, i really like it a lot.
(10 minutes of silence pass)
doc- so still planning on being a doctor, huh?
me- no.

i've known dr. falciano most of my life, his office is right down the street. josh remland used to live there and we were friends. diane is falciano's secretary. she's got the biggest fucking eyes i've ever seen. i don't think she blinks. her eyelids can't cover all that eyeball, not by a long shot.

i brushed my teeth twice, i'll probably do it again before i go. tony had to get his wisdom teeth out. so did canal. i kinda want to get mine out, even if they're alright. i haven't been in excruciating pain in a long time, i wonder how it is. plus tony got a prescription for vicatin, he said it was good stuff.

(no subject)

so i walk to falciano's office. i go in and freakishly bug-eyed diane (with a new, less 80's, hairstyle)says hi. then she tells me to turn around to see what's on the back of my shirt. it's the Jamar Electronics shirt I got at AmVets in buffalo for 3 bucks. she tells me i'm a walking billboard. i tell her i got the shirt for 3 bucks and she says, "you're unique. you're a walking billboard for a company you don't know." fuck her and her walking billboards. she's a walking billboard for whores inc.

then this unfamiliar lady doctor leads me in the chamber of horrors and sits me down on the dentist bed of doom. "open" she says. she sighs and takes out the water pick. she goes to town. i'm drowning while she sprays away at my gums. mr sucky sucks away, but does no good as the water is collecting at the back of my mouth. then comes the stainless steel metal pick. oh boy. she starts hacking away at my gums. i mean she really let's me have it. she mercilessly pokes and prods my tender gums. she pleasantly tells me to rinse. nothing could prepare me for this rinse. i take a mouthful of the liquid in the dixie cup. swish it around my mouth, then spit out a mouthfull of blood and chunks of bloody gum. i felt raped. the pig had screwed me on all fronts.

she sprays my mouth with the dentist hose and then shows me how to floss. then she shows me how to brush. i've been going about it all wrong. i never knew the end with bristles was supposed to go in your mouth. i've also been wiping myself and bathing the wrong ways too. I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT PERSONAL HYGEINE IS, YOU DENTAL WENCH!

after being humiliated by this chick, dr falciano struts in. he takes one look at my x-rays. tells me to open my mouth. takes one look inside. says
you're easy to check on, sat." i say "thanks." he tells me to have a nice summer. he actually remember that i want to go into film. what a trooper. as for the other lady who had he way with my mouth. she can put me under and take advantage of me for all i care.

things that could be changed to make the atmosphere match the emotional and physical pain felt at the dentists office:

-instead of soft, corporate, easy listening, they played rammstein or any other german hardcore
-instead of pleasant, pastel tones, they decorated the office with black wallpaper and avante garde paintings
-instead of water or scope, they made you rinse out with lemon juice
-instead of a bib, they outfitted you in a one-piece black latex catsuit
-instead of NO2, they use wooden mallets
-instead of "People" and "Newsweek" in the magazine selection, they put a wide variety of scat and snuff porno mags
-instead of informative dental videos, they showed a montage of deformed mouths with quick flashes of mushroom clouds, dead rats, and hanged slaves

if you have anymore ideas that would suit a dentist's office, don't be afraid to share. i can't believe i'm this mad at the dentist and i only went to get my teeth cleaned. i wonder what would happen after a root canal or a wisdom tooth extraction. i think i may very well snap and kill someone. everything seems to be in tip-top condition, so i don't predict any outlash of that sort. now i'm going to rest of a bed of nails.