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Last Friday I did this:
I went to Chicago to visit my friend Gena, a friend of mine who lives Chicago, IL. We did things like:
-ride the L to places in Chicago
-eat food at a restaurant at which there was Thai food and wacko shit all over the walls including a Bolex camera and Pez dispensers
-go to a collectibles store where I bought a puzzle, a pull-string talking Bart Simpson doll that I remember one of my friends having back in the days when I didn't have pubic hair, and a boss Masters of the Universe sleeping bag that is the exact same one I had when I was a kid who also didn't have pubes
-go to a street fair at which there were gay men aplenty and more gay men on top of them and I saw them kissing and holding hands with no shirts on and I was like, "This isn't all that uncommon nowadays"
-see an improv comedy show where Gena works called Don't Spit the Water at which my balls came out my mouth from laughing so hard and I had to eat them after in order to have balls again
-go to Millenium Park at which there was dashing architecture and well-kept landscapes, a ferris wheel in the distance, these two waterfall monolith statues that projected images of random people's faces that stared at each other, police officers riding Segways, and the water fountain from the opening credits "Married With Children."
Chicago is an awesome place, I had a lot of fun in it. I'd never been there before. I had fun staying with Gena, even though she made me sleep outside in the street and I also made me bathe in the kitchen sink in front of her. And she strip searched me before I left to make sure I didn't steal anything. Thanks for letting me stay with you, Gena, even though you trained your cats to sharpen their claws on the base of my penis and sold my clothes and medicine.
Then on Monday this happened:
I went to visit my sister Priv and three-month-old niece Maia. Not much happened there, in Rochester, because Priv's gotta keep a tit to Maia's mouth every five seconds (don't worry, this happened in closed quarters on the second floor, so nobody saw me watching her I mean I didn't watch that's gross) and change diapers when shit comes out her ass. I just stayed with my sister in her apartment and fawned over Maia between feeding and diaper-changing sessions.
Guys, Maia is the most beautiful, most precious and adorable thing I've ever seen. Never before has someone had to do so little to win me over like that. She's just so damn cute, you could look at her for hours. I'm smitten. I miss her. She's a whole new blood relative, which is ultra-significant, because the only blood relatives I have in America, that I actually have feelings for are my parents and sister. I'm really just crazy about her. I took a lot of pictures of her that I'll post once I get developed. I got her this bathtime plush ducky that goes "quack-quack-quack-quack-quack-quack" three times, for a total of 18 "quacks", when you squeeze its stomach. You press its beak against her cheek and make a kissing sound, Maia smiles and giggles. It's the first time someone has actually liked a present I've given them.
I've been short on words lately, written and spoken, so it's hard to express what I feel for little Maia. Especially because it's a whole new emotion. I'm the younger child and I've never had anything younger or smaller than myself to become attached to, take care of, or in any other way share a close bond. And it took only an hour with this baby girl to fall head over heels in love with her. And I wasn't an hour outside of Rochester, MN on my way back before I started crying and wanting to go back so I could pour more of my heart out onto her.
It was also the first time I met her father, my sister's boyfriend, Jason, whom I had only talked to once before on very bad terms. I can't necessarily say that I like him, nor that I dislike him. I respect him an awful lot, though, so that's got to be worth something.
Then, starting yesterday morning, I went like this:
I'm positive I could have driven the whole thing, all 19 hours of it, in one sitting. My record for being awake, I think, is over 70 hours. But my mom would very well have died of anxiety if I told her I was going to do that. So I spent the night in Toledo, OH at a Days Inn on her tab. If there's anything lonelier than driving solo halfway across the country, it's spending the night alone in a hotel room. I hope the next time I have to do it, I'm butt ass wealthy and it's at some 4-star deal where they send up girls to massage and handjob you, not a shitty Dayz Inn where, for $80/night, you get a quarter-inch thick bar of soap and a bunch of rowdy, hick twentysomethings lighting fireworks in the parking lot outside your room.
All in all, despite an ever present anxiety I had in the back of my skull, sometimes in the front, during my time away from home, I'm really glad I got away from here, where I'm sitting right now, in front of my computer, on Long "Fucking" Island. I hate this place and want to get out for more than a week. For about infinity years or until I die, whichever comes first. It was my duty to leave, really, and see Maia and my sister. I was running out of things to be happy about. My baby niece is something like that. And though I may not be happy, it always helps to have something to be happy about.
Once I get those pictures developed, you'll see. She's a real piece of work.
I went to Chicago to visit my friend Gena, a friend of mine who lives Chicago, IL. We did things like:
-ride the L to places in Chicago
-eat food at a restaurant at which there was Thai food and wacko shit all over the walls including a Bolex camera and Pez dispensers
-go to a collectibles store where I bought a puzzle, a pull-string talking Bart Simpson doll that I remember one of my friends having back in the days when I didn't have pubic hair, and a boss Masters of the Universe sleeping bag that is the exact same one I had when I was a kid who also didn't have pubes
-go to a street fair at which there were gay men aplenty and more gay men on top of them and I saw them kissing and holding hands with no shirts on and I was like, "This isn't all that uncommon nowadays"
-see an improv comedy show where Gena works called Don't Spit the Water at which my balls came out my mouth from laughing so hard and I had to eat them after in order to have balls again
-go to Millenium Park at which there was dashing architecture and well-kept landscapes, a ferris wheel in the distance, these two waterfall monolith statues that projected images of random people's faces that stared at each other, police officers riding Segways, and the water fountain from the opening credits "Married With Children."
Chicago is an awesome place, I had a lot of fun in it. I'd never been there before. I had fun staying with Gena, even though she made me sleep outside in the street and I also made me bathe in the kitchen sink in front of her. And she strip searched me before I left to make sure I didn't steal anything. Thanks for letting me stay with you, Gena, even though you trained your cats to sharpen their claws on the base of my penis and sold my clothes and medicine.
Then on Monday this happened:
I went to visit my sister Priv and three-month-old niece Maia. Not much happened there, in Rochester, because Priv's gotta keep a tit to Maia's mouth every five seconds (don't worry, this happened in closed quarters on the second floor, so nobody saw me watching her I mean I didn't watch that's gross) and change diapers when shit comes out her ass. I just stayed with my sister in her apartment and fawned over Maia between feeding and diaper-changing sessions.
Guys, Maia is the most beautiful, most precious and adorable thing I've ever seen. Never before has someone had to do so little to win me over like that. She's just so damn cute, you could look at her for hours. I'm smitten. I miss her. She's a whole new blood relative, which is ultra-significant, because the only blood relatives I have in America, that I actually have feelings for are my parents and sister. I'm really just crazy about her. I took a lot of pictures of her that I'll post once I get developed. I got her this bathtime plush ducky that goes "quack-quack-quack-quack-quack-quack" three times, for a total of 18 "quacks", when you squeeze its stomach. You press its beak against her cheek and make a kissing sound, Maia smiles and giggles. It's the first time someone has actually liked a present I've given them.
I've been short on words lately, written and spoken, so it's hard to express what I feel for little Maia. Especially because it's a whole new emotion. I'm the younger child and I've never had anything younger or smaller than myself to become attached to, take care of, or in any other way share a close bond. And it took only an hour with this baby girl to fall head over heels in love with her. And I wasn't an hour outside of Rochester, MN on my way back before I started crying and wanting to go back so I could pour more of my heart out onto her.
It was also the first time I met her father, my sister's boyfriend, Jason, whom I had only talked to once before on very bad terms. I can't necessarily say that I like him, nor that I dislike him. I respect him an awful lot, though, so that's got to be worth something.
Then, starting yesterday morning, I went like this:
I'm positive I could have driven the whole thing, all 19 hours of it, in one sitting. My record for being awake, I think, is over 70 hours. But my mom would very well have died of anxiety if I told her I was going to do that. So I spent the night in Toledo, OH at a Days Inn on her tab. If there's anything lonelier than driving solo halfway across the country, it's spending the night alone in a hotel room. I hope the next time I have to do it, I'm butt ass wealthy and it's at some 4-star deal where they send up girls to massage and handjob you, not a shitty Dayz Inn where, for $80/night, you get a quarter-inch thick bar of soap and a bunch of rowdy, hick twentysomethings lighting fireworks in the parking lot outside your room.
All in all, despite an ever present anxiety I had in the back of my skull, sometimes in the front, during my time away from home, I'm really glad I got away from here, where I'm sitting right now, in front of my computer, on Long "Fucking" Island. I hate this place and want to get out for more than a week. For about infinity years or until I die, whichever comes first. It was my duty to leave, really, and see Maia and my sister. I was running out of things to be happy about. My baby niece is something like that. And though I may not be happy, it always helps to have something to be happy about.
Once I get those pictures developed, you'll see. She's a real piece of work.
