A mighty all-nighty

I'm about to stay up all night.

Where I'm going I don't need...roads.

INT.--HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY STUDENT CENTER rm.201A--DAY

"Nine Hours Later"
by sat shenoy

STAR WIPE IN:

INT.--NONSENSE HUMOR MAGAZINE OFFICE--DAY

SAT SHENOY, a 22-year-old student of Hofstra University in Uniondale, NY, sits alone in room 201a of the the university's student center at a desk littered with sheets of paper, empty plastic bottles, a mysterious black garment, an empty bottle of Mackeson XXX Triple Stout, and spent bag of Cheetos Crunchy cheese flavored snacks. He enters words and phrases and sentences like, "He enters words and phrases and sentences like, 'He enters words and phrases and sentences like,'" into the "Entry:" field of his gay, online, faggot journal.

SAT (VO)
I think it's funny how the bag says "CHEETOS CRUNCHY" on it
in bold lettering without a noun to tell you what's inside.
I mean, I'm telling you guys this. The bag says "CHEETOS
CRUNCHY" in huge letters.

One of the things they tell you to don't in screenwriting is fill up too much of the page with dialogue, especially if it's of no importance to the plot.

SAT (VO) cont'd
So I didn't know what to refer to them as in the description
above until I really looked into the matter. It says "CHEESE
FLAVORED SNACKS" at the bottom left. So that's what they are,
cheese flavored snacks. Which means that each one is a snack.
Which means if you want to munch on Cheetos and tell people
what you're doing, you have to tell them you're eating snacks.
Meanwhile it's only one thing.

Music is playing from the second computer, computer #2, the computer in the middle. It's Nada Surf.

SAT (VO)
You guys can hear through my ears and straight into my head
right now. It's thinking, "I've never listened to Nada Surf
before." It was on the iTunes, so I decided to peep it up.
And I like it.

Sat clicks the "preview" button toward the bottom of the web page. A window pops up, showing what his entry will look like.

SAT (VO)
That looks good enough, I guess. You get the picture. This
is obviously a self-reflexive, real-time screenplay. I mean,
obviously. Boy, I'm parched...

He takes a pull off the bottle of Dasani purified water to his right.

SAT (VO)
Ahhh. That hit the spot. One more...

He takes another sip.

SAT (VO)
You want to see something?

CUT TO:


FLASHBACK

INT.--NONSENSE OFFICE--9 HOURS AGO

Sat enters the office carrying an air of urgency. He scans the room before spotting a 3/4 full bottle of Dasani purified water.

SAT (VO)
It's still pretty full. Whosever it was, they
only took a sip or two. Don't worry, no one
will find out.

Sat exits the office.

CUT TO:

INT.--BATHROOM--9 HOURS AGO

Sat enters the Mens Room on the second floor of the student center. He pours the water from the Dasani bottle and pumps a few jisms of bathroom soap on the mouth. He rinses the bottle under hot water, which leaves the faucet with so much force as to ricochet off the porcelain and onto his pants. Steam rises from the basin like it would from a bowl of hot water.

SAT (VO)
Why the fuck is this water so goddamn hot?

Having sufficiently cleaned the bottle of cooties, and because he got water all over himself, he exits the bathroom.

CUT TO:

INT.--HALLWAY--9 HOURS AGO

Sat fills the empty bottle at a water fountain affixed to the wall across from the NONSENSE office.

SAT (VO)
No one must know my secret.

He scans suspiciously for onlookers.

CUT TO:

INT.--NONSENSE OFFICE--8 HOURS AND 59 MINUTES AGO

Sat puts his bottle of water in the mini-fridge collaged with stickers, the contents of which are a bunch of gross. He walks to the mirror that leans against the far wall of the office and pays himself a weary leer.

SAT
(guiltily)
What? Why are you looking at me like that?

REFLECTION (VO)
I saw what you did, Sat.

SAT
What did I do?

REFLECTION (VO)
You know very well what you did...

Sat looks behind him at the mini-fridge, then again meets eyes with himself.

SAT
Oh...that.

REFLECTION (VO)
You have to stop this.

SAT
It's the last time. I swear it.

REFLECTION (VO)
It was the last time last time. And the
time before that. And before that.

SAT
(adamantly)
Well THIS is the last time.

REFLECTION (VO)
Sure...

SAT
Let's just get our stories straight. If
anyone asks, I paid a buck twenty-five
for that water, just like everyone else.

REFLECTION (VO)
I can't keep doing this for you. I can't keep
lying. What do you think this does for my
reputation? It's not just you they talk about.

SAT
Okay...okay. It's over. It's done. I'll stop.

Sat smiles reassuringly at his reflection. His reflection smiles back. They slowly raise their hands to each other's in perfect unison. Their palms meet and they lean in toward one another. And they share a few delicate pecks.

SAT
I'm sorry...

REFLECTION (VO)
I know you are.

SAT
I love you.

REFLECTION (VO)
I know you do.

The office door opens and BILLY SCAFURI enters.

SAT
(immediately)
Oh hey Billy, what's up?

STAR WIPE TO:


FLASHFORWARD

INT.--NONSENSE OFFICE--PRESENT

Still seated at the desk, Sat takes a sip of water. He types and thinks simultaneously, but about different things. He writes inner monologue that can in no way be shown on camera. Unless...

SAT
I'm saying this out loud right now--

The door to the office opens and ADAM SHEEHAN enters.

SAT
Oh hey what's up man?

ADAM
Hey man.

SAT
I had an all-nighter last night.

ADAM
Me too, but not on purpose.

SAT
That sucks.

Adam sits at the round table.

SAT
(proudly)
I'm writing a screenplay in my LiveJournal about
writing a screenplay in my LiveJournal.

ADAM
Wow, just like...

SAT
(excitedly)
Charlie Kaufman!

ADAM
Yeah...

Sat shrinks slightly in self-consciousness.

SAT (VO)
You sure did jump the gun on that one, asshole.
Boy do you like to toot your own horn...

Sat types all these words into the computer. The music stopped playing Nada Surf a while ago, and what's playing now is Nancy Sinatra's "Bang Bang" from Kill Bill.

ADAM
This is an awesome song.

Sat nods.

SAT
Yeah...

The song ends and Sat selects Radiohead's "Airbag" which is to be followed by the rest of OK Computer. He looks at the screen. A wave of panic sets in.

SAT (VO)
I don't want to go to class...

His eyes move to the numbers that read "10:48 AM" at the top right corner of the computer screen. Class is at 11:10am. "Paranoid Android" begins.

SAT (VO)
The thing is, I haven't been to this class in
a shit long while, like all my other classes. In fact,
I'm missing Horror class right now. I have been for the
past hour and fifty minutes.

Its "Thu 10:51 AM". Adam hovers over Sat's shoulder and sees the words he types as he types them. Adam dons his jacket. Sat will soon get up and do what needs to be done.

Adam leaves the room. Thom Yorke says to "rain down on me from a great height."

SAT (VO)
This is the Adderall typing...around 60mg, taken in three
doses of 20mg throught the night. Sat has to go now.

Sat stops typing as soon as the words "STAR WIPE OUT" appear letter by letter below this sentence.

STAR WIPE OUT