Hey Randy! (What?) The Devil! (What?) The Devil is everywhere!

I've had this problem for the past month or so. And that problem is my left shoe squeaks with every step. I've done everything to remedy the situation short of trying to fix the problem. I've tried nothin' and I'm all out of ideas, man. If I were a cartoon, I could just take a can of oil and pump some of that stuff right into the sole. I'd also be able to jump off a cliff, break through the ground, go right through the Earth, and come out upside-down in China. And the episode would end with a bang of the gong.

The cable in my room is out. The picture is fuzzy as is the sound. It's probably due to the fact that I keep the cable box on the ground and kick it olde skool. Cause I got no respect for nothing. So instead of watching stupid TV, I've been viddying DVideoDs that I haven't peeped in a vile. Like Minority Report. Despite it being a 145 minute advertisement for Lexus, Gap, Aquafina, et.al., and despite its plot taking a few confusing turns, it has to be the best film in the Action/Sci-Fi/Thriller/Crime/Drama/Mystery genre. Steven Spielberg is such an awesome blockbuster director. Minority Report has everything in it, it's packed. Yes, Minority Report.

And the 2nd season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. And I'll have to say that Larry David is the best. He's like a funny Woody Allen. If I got incredibly stoned and spent a day with Larry David, unless I had an oxygen tank, I'd die of laughter. I also want a friend like Jeff Garlin and a wife like Cheryl Hines. What the fuck am I babbling about here?

I can't concentrate on this shit on account of I'm watching The Great Muppet Caper. God, the fucking Muppets bring me back to a much better time. Fozzy and Piggy get on my nerves a little, they always have. But every other Muppet is dearer to me than any given friend of mine.

Karol Wojtyla was the Pope's real name, I just read in Newsweek. I thought that nigger's name was straight up John Paul. But there's a lot I don't know about Catholics. Like what's the difference between them and Christians and Protestants and whatever the fuck white people like to devote their lives to. White people, God sure did fuck up there. Rather, they must have descended from the stupider apes. That's right.

Uh oh, Zoot skipped a groove again.

Dr. Rock! was examined by an indian eye. Dr. Rock! another lie that you're going to die

Really, the way I acted, how I pestered you and made things unnecessarily uncomfortable for you, and me for that matter, embarrasses me. I'm so ashamed of myself for being such an awful nuisance to such a good friend, it doesn't make sense. I imposed my retarded, irrational problems onto you, even though you obviously had legitimate problems yourself. I wish I had been thinking straight because in hindsight, there's no reason for you to be friends with me anymore.

I mean I lost a grip, you know. I really did. I can't think about it without being disgusted with myself. I thought I had learned to act in such a way that I'd have little or nothing to regret. I figured I'd become good at calculating ways to make things run smoothly, to make things as easy as possible for everyone and myself. Especially my friends and loved ones. But, I dunno, my shit hit the fan. Winter isn't a good time for me.

So I'm sorry, so sorry. Whenever I think about it I cringe with regret. That I could be so stupid and selfish. To someone like you. It's retarded. And I guess I am fishing for forgiveness, cause I can't stand it when I do things like this. I kick myself in the nuts for losing rationality. I shit on my piss for doing that to you. Because chances are high that it'll never again be how it was before. By god.

So there's that. And of course, as always, there are other things.