By the time you read this, I will be dead, having plumetted off the winter bridge

My days have been dull lately. Usually my day consists of waking up at 12ish, showering, and waiting to go to work. With all this free time I have, I've taken to frequent masturbation. So frequent that it hurts to become aroused. So frequent that my urethra is clogged with the semen the same way an artery gets clogged with fat. So frequent that I hardly know how to do anything else.

I haven't discussed the new people at Haagen Dazs. I feel I owe it to all of you to share. First there is Marisa Bardach. I got her the job, but I haven't worked with her yet. Derik says he likes her. Hands off Derik, she's mine. Then there is Drita, an Albanian emigre. She speaks broken English, like all immigrants. She does, however, speak very fluently the language of love, as she is engaged to be married in September. There is Kunal, who is of my color and ethnicity. He is first generation, like I am, only he's the smelly type. Today I worked with Lauren for the first time. There was a Lauren H. who quit. This is Lauren L. Different name, same basic outlook on life: all quiet moments should be filled with inane conversation.

Work makes one part of my body sweat a lot, guess which part.