with this tiny piece of paper i can make you slip

you'll notice i didn't write too many entries today. here's why:

i came home from class at 2:30. then i ate some brownies and just sat there for 3 hours. then we went to eat at letchworth. i think it's been the first meal i've had in letchworth this semester. it still makes me want to letch all over the place. during the meal i laughed really hard. i think it may have been because of the brownies. after the meal, at around 5:30, andy and i spent a few hours throwing playing cards at each other. we're trying to get it good. we each had some good hits on each other. i got andy in the head a bunch of times, but the times he got me, it was really hard. i got andy with at least one really hard hit to the face. i felt awesome. then i made a few modifications to one of the cards. i wrapped it all in masking tape and wrote "Black Jack" on both sides in really intense lettering. and i designed it. this thing flies. i'm thinking about going pro soon. my forearm hurts a lot now.

after all that, i think i just sat at the computer. i got suckered into watching boston public. this show is so stupid. it's the worst, most contrived drama i've seen. this school goes through shit every week and i'm convinced that they're just copying every disaster from the news. this week they had a bomb threat. the commercial said "if you see one boston public this season, watch this one." to which i replied "fine, but you owe me." there was nothing to this stupid episode. the bomb was planted by the same kid who reported it. he just wanted attention. there were these underlying themes of status, like the popular girls making fun of the freaks and the butt ass ugly girl. i was thinking the whole time "when are the freaks going to get back at these assholes, and the stupid teachers, and the stupid innocent bastards that get caught in the crossfire?" it never happened. instead the popular girls somewhat befriended that ugly reject. nobody died for the sins of the popular girls. somebody deserved to die for that shit.

that was a bad critique. my anger for boston public isn't really that high. well it is, but there's not much of a passion behind it.

i remember in Oceanside Public when this popular girl made these harsh, maligning statements toward one of the geeks in my math class. Mrs. Lifshutz was teaching the class with the strict rule that no hats were allowed in class. One day, Rachel Lieberman and Courtney Natoli were crowned with baseball hats, along with Harris Baltch and the aforementioned geek. At the beginning of class Harris and the geek were told to remove their hats, while Rachel and Courtney were not. Harris and the geek looked at each other kinda like "what's up with this stupid bitch?" Then Harris and the geek made the daring move to put their caps back on. Within minutes, the evil Mrs. Lifshutz again told Harris and the geek to remove their hats, all the while Rachel and Courtney are enjoying hat wearing freedom. So the geek said, "Mrs. Lifshutz, I don't see why Harris and I aren't able to wear hats while Courtney and Rachel have full hat-wearing priviledges." Puffs of smoke left the evil demon Lifshutz's nose as she sighed "Rachel, Courtney, my darling babies. I'm afraid our valiant hero is right. Our reign of prejudice has ended. Girls, please remove your hats and suckle at my teet after class." The two serpentine bitches removed their evil caps. Rachel, the more jewish of the two prostitutes, turned to our geek hero and proclaimed with mighty bitch force "That's why you'll never have a girlfriend." thus casting a spell of eternal loneliness upon him. Taken aback, the soldier's only response was "Why should you be allowed to wear hats and we're not?" Without pondering the question for too long (perhaps due to the belief that thinking gives you wrinkles) the venomous Rachel-whore defiantly answered, "Because girls have more rights." The stupidity of the statement was insult enough for the brave warrior. He rode off into the sunset, scratching his balls all the way.

Epilogue: Though the geek was gifted with both good looks and a sparkling personality, he never attained a girlfriend. The evil bitch's spell may last forever.

now for the twister. ladies and gentlemen, that geek was me. yes it's hard to believe. I have more stories for you all. You know what, I'm sick of not using capitals. I'm going to make it easier for all of you to read this insignificant chronicle of my insignificant life by using semi proper sentence structure.

Man, if you're still reading this entry, you've got some serious problems. This entry really sucks. I mean damn.

(no subject)

i had a nice sleep last night. i fell asleep while music was playing, not after it stopped. i always love when that happens. i slept for hours and hours. i had a dream that meghan magee came in the room to wake me up. then i woke up for a bit and meghan wasn't there, so i went back to sleep. then i had a dream that mr. roschelle, my high school psychology teacher, came in the room while i was at the computer and he wanted something to drink. we only had beer in the fridge, so i referred him to andy's room. i forgot if he drank anything there.

it's really blizzarding outside. i got class at 3:25. today is the day i think i'm going to wipe out. some schools have underground tunnels to get to class when it's shitty out. it would be cooler if most of the buildings were connected with breezeways.

this weather wouldn't be so bad if i had my fucking mitten gloves. those things were crazy. i'm looking out the window now and the snow from afar is moving from left to right while the snow right in front of the window is moving right to left.

On Being an Idiot

I'm in a computer lab in south hall. I've never been in one of these. They got nice computers here. For some reason it feels like I shouldn't be here. I think it's because they use Windows XP. That's so high tech. I never thought I'd be using it, but here I am.

I just had a pretty embarassing moment in Comn200. We're talking about why public relations has developed so quickly in the US. So people are talking and giving reasons. Then I raise my stupid ass hand in the air.

Yu Zhang: yes?
me: I think it's because the US has more freedoms than other countries, like freedom of speech for example.
(faint snicker from behind me)
YZ: well, Katie just pointed that out.
(snickers grow stronger)
me: oh, she did
YZ: yes
(half of the class laughs at my stupidity)

I must have blacked out or something. I was listening to every word the girl before me said and she was talking about consumerism and all this other shit. Not once did I hear the word "freedom" in there. Not once. I was sure of it, or else I wouldn't have rasied my hand. I felt like a fucking moron. So I reflected for the rest of class on my history of class participation. I can't recall ever once saying something intelligent for a teacher. I've never contributed a valid idea in a class discussion. My whole life as a student has been devoid of intellectual thoughts. If anything, I've hindered any class from learning through discussion. I'm just a stupid moron with nothing to say. So I've decided, from here on in, I'm just a wallflower. I'm never ever going to say anything in class again. If the teacher calls on me, I'm saying flat out "I have nothing to offer." Well not those exact words, but along those lines.

And another thing. My conversational skills have gone down the tubes. I haven't had a meaningful conversation with anyone in ages. I just can't think straight. I think it's because of Instant Messenger. I can convey ideas quite well though typing. But when it comes to responding without a keyboard, my mind draws a blank. I think it's also due to a disinterest in what people have to say to me. I have to start broadening my horizons of conversation. I don't know what I have to do, but I have to do it soon, or else I'll turn into a mute.

Then again, silence is golden. These nerds are playing some nerdy game on the computers in front of me. They've all got headphones on. It's one of those dungeon and dragon type games, like Revenge of the Nerdy Ogres or something.

Fuck this I'm getting the hell out of here.

(no subject)

I'm letting the incident in class bother me too much. What bothers me the most is why I didn't hear that girl say what she said. I've been noticing a lot of forgetful behavior on my part. I think it's because of marijuana. I could really go for some right now though.

They have only cleared the major walkways in school, so there is snow in most of the places, because there are only about two major walkways. I first wore the shoes that I wear now (Samba Classics) when I worked at Lechters Houseware. That's about two and a half years ago. These shoes keep no moisture out at all. When I come back from walking in the snow, they're soaked and so are my socks. This results in very cold feet. I don't want to buy a pair of shoes!

I've been reading for about an hour for class. Actually, I've been reading a little, then getting bored and reading something else. I want to try Ritalin or Adderall to keep my attention. People only do it during midterms and finals, but I think I need it year round.

School seems to be going so slowly. I've only been here for 11 days and it has seemed like oh so much longer than that. My next break is at the end of March. I don't know if I can make it. For spring break this year, everyone's been planning what to do. Well here's my plan: i'm going to go home and shut the fuck up. Panama City last year was so stupid. I hated it there and never want to return to it, or anything like it.

Please help me I'm hungry. Please help me I'm hungry.